Growing up as a young girl in Jamaica, I was exposed to several types of traumatic experiences. I grew up without a father and my mother migrated to America when I was 5 years old. While my aunt who was caring for me in my mothers absence did the best she could, she could not fill the void I had missing both my parents. My aunt also was not able to protect me at all times being susceptible to child predators when she had to work in which I endured molestation and rape. The collective trauma that ensued led me to develop a passion and a calling for psychology and the study of the mind. In some ways I was interested in psychology as a way of looking to heal myself, while searching for the answers as to what makes people who they are whether good or bad. The collective trauma nonetheless caused me to develop a struggle with anxiety, in particular social anxiety which is a response to trauma. I felt as though everyone could see my trauma in which I carried a lot of shame and guilt and feelings of inadequacy. I struggled with suicidal ideations as a young girl as well as depression.
I migrated to America in November, 1997 at the age of 14, with a drive and determination to make a better life for myself than I had experienced growing up in Jamaica. At that time in the late 90s-early 2000’s mental health counseling was not as discussed or talked about as it is now, as well as, in the Jamaican culture growing up I was taught to toughen up and not show weakness by my mother and to focus on my education and becoming a successful adult which is what I did.
My childhood trauma and lack of father figure manifested in to toxic, self destructive behaviors and relationships. My wounded inner child was showing up as a on track independent woman that used intimacy, emotional eating and procrastination to cope with the low self worth, shame and pain I was carrying from the past. I was reliving the experiences through repeated destructive behavioral cycles.
Journey to Self Healing
Most of my healing began when I enrolled in graduate school in 2009 to study Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Saint Joseph. I obtained my bachelors degree from the University of Saint Joseph as well in 2005, however I was a young adult at the time and lacked self awareness and was mostly in survival mode. Being in the graduate program we were encouraged to get our own therapy as a requirement, as well as we were given a lot of assignments identifying our own family of origin and inter generational patterns and traumas. It was then I was able to gain a lot of insight and self awareness and I started doing a lot of growing in the program. The remainder of my healing happened after grad school as I was drawn to trauma therapy in particular EMDR therapy. Eye Movement Desensitization reprocessing therapy focuses on accessing and processing of traumatic memories and other adverse life experiences to bring those memories and experiences to adaptive resolution. Along the journey of getting certified in EMDR, I learned about ego state interventions and doing the work on healing my younger traumatized parts helped me fully heal and become whole, hence the woman I am today.
Choosing to be a therapist meant that I needed to show up as the healthiest version of myself, however I am grateful for all of my past experiences and being able to overcome them as I am able to better relate to most of my clients and better able to serve them accordingly by being a survivor. The burden of generational trauma was lifted after doing the work. I learned to forgive those who hurt me and that gave me my power back. The shame and low self worth was keeping me from reaching my full potential and I knew I could do more and give back more to the community if I got out my own way. There was a gift in learning about my family history in graduate school and externalizing myself from my traumas, helped me to put the pieces of myself back together as whole. I now know that I am worthy and I have a voice. I accepted that the traumas I had to go through as a child occurred as a result of untreated generational traumas, mental health issues, systematic oppression and unhealthy cultural norms.
The Therapist Today
The shift in belief system and the healing of my younger self lead to liberation as I began to see myself as I truly am; a divine being. A woman with a purpose, a mission and a vision. A Healer. Healing is the gift that keeps on giving everyday. I’m honored and grateful to those that have supported me along my journey to who and where I am today. My gift to clients is to teach them to heal themselves with helpful practices and tools I’ve learned and studied along the way. Healing is the act of self love, awareness and commitment to practices that nurture and nourish your life. It’s been my pleasure sharing my story with you.